Spiderman can swing from webs. The Hulk has super strength. Falcon can fly. Captain America has speed. And Thor can make thunder and lightning! Leaders have superpowers too, like influential networking, extraordinary intelligence, or visionary insights, to name just a few. If you could pick one leadership superpower that would help you lead the most effectively and would contribute the most to your long-term success, what would it be?
In the Harvard Business Review article, “The C Suite Skills That Matter Most,” the authors describe some of the insights from their study on the hiring of CEOs. They note that the previously sought-after experiences of organizational finance, technical expertise, and administrative skills are being replaced with one major skill above all others: strong social skills which include a high level of self-awareness, the ability to listen and communicate, and the ability to work with a diverse group of people. In our consulting and coaching at The Center Consulting Group, we consistently see social/emotional management deficits as one of the top reasons for leadership failures. The following are five of the best ways to increase your “social skills superpower.”
1. Assessment.
When it comes to someone falling short on social skills, you will often hear words like “awkward,” “weird,” “annoying,” or “different” used to describe them. And while we all have “quirks” and unique personalities, some people have collected more than their fair share! Yet, like C.S. Lewis inferred in his essay The Trouble with “X”, it is likely that someone, somewhere is using those same words to describe us! But how would we know unless we took the time to assess how most people actually perceive us? This is why assessment is so important – it provides objective guidance from a coach or mentor to help us acquire feedback and learn more about our blind spots.
2. Sensors.
In many newer cars, there are well over 50 or more sensors throughout the vehicle. These devices are designed to monitor and provide immediate feedback regarding the car’s performance. As leaders, we too need sensors to help us monitor and get a read on how we are doing in our social awareness and social skills. For example, do you know when you are showing anger? Getting too intense? Not listening? Withdrawing from the group? Allowing phone notifications to take your eyes off others? Or, acting a bit odd with habits such as tapping, scratching, or picking at your nails?! Sensors are the people you trust to speak honestly to you and provide you with immediate feedback.
3. Knowledge.
Proverbs 18:1 says that a fool finds no pleasure in understanding. To avoid looking like a fool requires learning. And to advance your social skills as a leader, it is beneficial to advance your understanding of topics related to themes like social intelligence and group dynamics. A good starting place would be reading Emotional Intelligence or Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, or What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith. There are also a number of videos and podcasts from these authors as well as others. In addition, talking with a skilled coach who is well-versed in understanding social skills can add to your knowledge bucket.
4. Examples.
YouTube has dramatically improved my abilities to replace a faucet, build a bench, and fix an electrical outlet. Yes, that is right – I am now a plumber, carpenter, and electrician, not because I heard about these tasks, but because I can SEE what they are supposed to look like when done correctly. Examples are also helpful for those who are trying to improve their people skills. Try identifying a few examples in your life of people who are really good at social interaction and watch how they engage, listen, respond, and show interest. The goal is not to become them (that is weird and seldom works well) but rather to improve your natural way of interacting.
5. Practice.
When I was in high school, I was into karate. That was the era of the Kung Fu TV series and Bruce Lee movies, and every guy had a hidden aspiration to be just like them! My friend Lester and I would make our own martial arts weapon, Nunchaku (two pieces of wood attached by a chain or rope), and practice for hours. Smart people would start using foam ones at first, but not us! We went straight to the hardwood version. After multiple bruised elbows and close calls with concussions, we had developed some very impressive, synchronized routines – all through practice. Social skills are no different. Experimenting and practicing with how to read social cues, manage emotions, and build relational capital can make the difference between growth and failure.
If you want to level up your social skills and therefore your leadership effectiveness, contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can assist you.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
