In a 2018 survey, 90% of CEOs said, more than any other concern, fear of failure is the one that keeps them awake at night. We fear failure, and we are infatuated with success. Few people marvel at mediocrity or aim for “average.” Even fewer celebrate getting cut from a team or getting rejected for a job. Yet there is also a growing attraction to those who reveal their less than idyllic image and present the unvarnished truth about brokenness. For example, Matthew Perry’s (the late actor from the Friends TV sitcom) book about his hidden life of addiction has 35,487 reviews on Amazon. Harvard Business Review published articles called “The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Be Vulnerable” and “Why Should Anyone Be Led By You?” where the authors talk about the benefits of revealing your weaknesses.
Why is there an interest in hearing stories about brokenness? Because most of us know we all walk with a metaphorical limp as well. Over my years of coaching and consulting, I have found six reasons why broken leaders can actually make better leaders.
1. Humility
Success is about as likely to produce humility as a dog is to produce a goat. In fact, the more successful we are, the more proud we become including an ever-expanding sense of invincibility. Numerous recent examples from politics, churches, Hollywood, and business reveal how it often takes a direct hit of pain to have humility emerge. But, it is this very humility that increases the influence of a leader. I knew a man who made a bad moral decision that resulted in the loss of his position. Yet, talking with him and his wife years later, I walked away convinced they were stronger and better leaders now than they ever were prior.
2. Transparency
I was recently in a coaching session with a leader who created an awesome nonprofit that works with at-risk teens in need of hope. I invited a friend to stop in to meet this leader, and my friend shared his story of the challenges his teen recently experienced. Not only did this brief and unplanned moment of humble transparency form an instant connection between these two leaders, but it also affirmed the importance of my client’s vision and work in helping eradicate hopelessness among teens. That is the power of transparency.
3. Empathy
Ok, in the interest of full transparency, I confess – I am not naturally empathetic. In fact, if I were getting a letter grade on empathy, I would be on par with how I did in 8th grade Spanish which I would not have made it through except for an extra credit project and a teacher who liked me! But, there are certain times when my “empathy style” is right for a particular person. It could be due to having similar personalities, or it could be influenced by the life-threatening and life-reshaping medical crisis my daughter experienced when she was 13. When we get beat up and bruised, it often helps us show a bit more grace towards others.
4. Priority
Why is it that a person who is facing a life-threatening illness shows little passion for buying a new vehicle or second home at the beach, getting a promotion at work, or following the status of the stock market? Brokenness, suffering, and loss have a powerful way of hitting the “reset” button on our priorities. Author David Brooks talks about the difference between “resume virtues” and “eulogy virtues” in the article “The Moral Bucket List.” Resume virtues focus on success on earth while eulogy virtues focus on things that will last beyond your earthly life. Leaders who limp relax their grip on money, titles, and possessions and invest more heavily in people, impact, character, and legacy.
5. Resiliency
I once coached a leader who was quite successful yet had experienced a lot of pain in her life. I always appreciated her resiliency. This woman took some major hits that would have knocked out most leaders. But not her – she was like a Weeble – that popular toy that wobbles but never falls! I have another friend who was a successful leader for many years, but he then experienced brokenness including personal failings and serious health issues. Yet, in spite of losing much in his life, he is still positive, has a hilarious sense of humor, and shows no signs of giving up. Quite often, wounded leaders can also be amazingly resilient leaders as well.
6. Connectivity
Picture yourself in a moment of your greatest weakness. Going through a brutal divorce. Helping your young adult child through another bout of substance addiction. Getting caught cheating on your spouse. Receiving the call that the lump is cancer. Learning that you just got let go from your job of 20 years. Who would you want to talk with most? A person whose life looks perfect or someone who has tasted firsthand the pain of loss, mistakes, and suffering? People gravitate to those who “get it.” They want to know if it is survivable and how to get through it. Those who lead with a limp can inspire, encourage, and motivate others by showing them that failures, loss, and pain can be overcome and result in even greater purpose and strength for the future.
Contact us to learn how you can become more effective as a leader.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
