Rising Out of Ruins: How Leaders Can Get Better Rather Than Bitter

There is a bush that is believed to have survived for centuries in Hildesheim Germany – it is called the Thousand-year Rose. Today, it is almost 70 ft high and 30 ft wide and grows on the side of a cathedral. During World War II, the cathedral and the rosebush were bombed to the ground. Yet, even in the midst of such ruin, the rose that looked like it was destroyed not only survived but thrived and continues growing today. Over our years of coaching and consulting, our team has met with many leaders who felt like that rose plant after WW II – ruined. Being fired. Receiving a cancer diagnosis. Having a child with mental health issues. Experiencing the effects of a cheating spouse. Ruin comes in an unlimited amount of shapes and sizes, but the results are similar – feeling like you are not sure you can be revived. But you can. Leaders rise out of the proverbial ashes and often become both stronger and wiser.

If you, or someone you know, are feeling a bit like that rosebush after having a bomb dropped on you, consider these thoughts.

1. When despair is deep, hope is often not far behind.

I am amazed at the challenges some people experience, sometimes self-inflicted and other times unfairly imposed. Here are just a few recent examples: A wife losing her 52-year-old husband to cancer. A pastor dismissed for a moral failure. Parents losing their young adult daughter in an accident. A business owner whose enterprise was crushed by the pandemic. Yet, just like the roots of that rosebush which never died, each of these people can still have hope for renewal and restoration – a new day.

2. Everyone needs a root feeder. 

“Root feeders” are people who see past the surface and anticipate the practical help or encouragement you need, especially after the bomb hits your life. A recent example of this is Philadelphia Eagles safety Anthony Harris taking an 11-year-old girl to her father-daughter dance because her dad and grandfather had just died. He not only took her to the dance, but he also paid for her dress, hair, makeup, shoes, and a car to pick her up! I know very little of Anthony Harris, but in this case, he was a root feeder for an 11-year-old girl all the way in Texas!

3. Becoming a victim or a victor is a choice.

On many occasions, I have heard Phil Clemens, a member of my board, say, “People can choose to be a victim or a victor.” He is not minimizing the difficult and sometimes unfair circumstances people experience. He is only saying that even in those circumstances, people need to make a choice. You may not always be able to control what happens to you, but your response is something you always have control over. Resist the temptation to live in the narrative of being a victim. It seldom ends well.

4. Rebuilding is possible – but it requires courage and work.

My wife and I recently visited Key West, Florida. There is nothing like finding some sun and warmth in the middle of winter! Hurricane Irma, with 130 mph winds and a major storm surge, hit this area only four and a half years ago. Yet, I could hardly tell. Palm trees and boats were everywhere. Buildings had roofs. Other than a half-sunk boat sitting in the Gulf of Mexico, I would have never known about the destruction. Why? Because the people were resilient and did not quit. They did the necessary work to rebuild. Ruins do not turn into beauty without work – and a lot of it.

5. Faith matters.

As leaders, we can sometimes make disastrous decisions. Decisions that wreck our reputation, damage our relationships, and leave a pile of ruins the size of a mountain in our path. And it can feel like an impossible task to clean up the mess and rebuild your life. God is a master at rebuilding lives out of the mud. The Bible even says that he will not cast out anyone who comes to him and he desires to give hope for the future. Failure does not have to be fatal or final.

Contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can help you grow in your leadership.

Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.