Pain Points: 8 Hot Spots That Can Drain Even the Best Leaders

If you go to the emergency room or a doctor’s appointment, they will often show you what is now a universal scale for describing your level of pain. It goes from 1 to 10, with one being a happy face and 10 being a grimacing face. I think most people shy away from the 10 because they don’t want to look like a sissy, and others avoid the 1-2 because that would mean they shouldn’t be with the doctor in the first place. Leaders have pain points too; they come naturally with the position. But recently, leaders have gone from having to manage and push through one or two pain points to now dealing with six, seven, or more all at the same time! Here are eight of the most common pain points we are seeing as well as a few suggestions for how to stay strong in the midst of distress.

1. Staffing

From trying to find and retain competent staff to dealing with people who are bringing a load of over-packed emotional bags with them to their job, staffing has never been easy. But it is at an inflection point for most leaders today. Finding talented, emotionally healthy, and hard-working staff is now task #1, and it is bringing stress with it.

2. Relational conflict

For as long as people have existed, so has conflict. Differing perspectives. Unmet expectations. Incompatible personalities. Violations of trust. Conflict is commonly present in the workplace and affects morale, performance, and emotional health.

3. Unpredictability

Pandemic. Economy. Interest rates. Governmental regulations. War. Political tensions. These are just a few of the elements contributing to a sense of unpredictability. After navigating the tumultuous years of the pandemic and those that followed, leaders are finding the planning environment as unstable as ever.

4. Bureaucracy

From solving a health insurance question to managing human resource policies. From getting an answer from a governmental agency to fixing a photocopier. Leaders and team members are expressing that bureaucracy is sucking them dry. And it is not just the bureaucracy outside of our organizations – sometimes, it is from within as well.

5. Criticism fatigue

Leaders are magnets for criticism. It comes with the position. I often remind leaders that the pressure they are experiencing is why their pay stub has a few more numbers on it. Sometimes, the criticism may be deserved. But in the past few years, it has been coming fast and often, like water from a high-pressure fire hose. And that stings.

6. Personal pain

It is common for a leader to have something that is not going so well in their personal lives, or even a lot of “somethings.” Financial debt. Declining health. Aging parents. Marriage conflict. Struggling child. Mental health struggles. When these pains converge with the workplace, leaders can feel like the grimacing face on that pain scale.

7. Decision-overload

Should I add new staff? Who should I hire? What should go in the job description? What raises should be given this year? Should we launch that new product? Is it time to fire that person? You get the picture. Researchers from Cornell University said we make 226.7 decisions daily on just food! It is a leader's job to make decisions, but the volume and pace of the decisions can be a very real pain point in his or her life.

8. Bad boss

It may be a boss or even a board member, but when a leader works for someone who is a jerk, it can drain the life out of him. No boss is perfect, but a toxic one can undermine you, threaten you, second-guess you, manipulate you, and just plain make you crazy. We have found that this is a unique form of pain for a leader because a bad boss has the power to ruin you both professionally and financially.

How to Manage Pain Points

I am often reminded of the words of Jesus when he said, “…in this world you will have trouble,” John 16:33. Pain is to be expected. But the accumulation of too many pain points converging at the same time can be exasperating.

So, what can a leader do? From our experience as coaches and consultants to a variety of leaders, here are some suggestions.

1. First, teaming up can make a difference. Leaders will be encouraged when they have others they trust to share the load.

2. Second, remind yourself of these truths – pain is common to all leaders, and you are stronger than you think.

3. Third, stay focused on fixing what you can, and do not think too far down the path or it will compound the stress.

4. Fourth, take time each day to celebrate what is working right, what you are grateful for, and what you are excited about for the future.

5. Lastly, there are times when a skilled leadership coach, someone who has walked in the shoes of leadership long enough to have tasted some pain, can provide you with a sense of hope and courage to push through the pain and to experience renewed vision. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us if we can be that person for you.

Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.